Fifty Shades of Green

November 23, 2012 in Humour, Rugby

Adapted from an email

All tied up…

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.  I was one of the lucky ones who thought I bought my wife a gift, and she returned the favour, let’s say….50 fold…

Now a spoof, Fifty Shades Of Green, offers a treat for the men. The book has author, Bakkies Groenewald, recounting his love encounters since his wife read the notorius book.  Here are some extracts of Fifty Shades of Green.

“We tried various positions – on the table, on the, up against a wall…but in the end we came to the conclusion that the top of the bar counter was the best place for my new 47 inch Full HD Smart TV.”

She stood before me, trembling in my garage.”I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to Loftus to watch the Bulls game.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.  I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.  She still manages to get to the remote, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred. “Yes,” I said, “Shark cage diving is not for sissies.”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”  So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the bar stool tightly. “Harder!” “Okay,” I said, and turned up the volume on the Bok test against England.

I lay back, exhausted, gazing happily out of the bar window.  Despite my concerns about inexperience,the Boks pulled off a great win.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.

“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the bar. “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Make me feel like a real woman!” she cried. I slowly unbuttoned my shirt, looking deeply into her as, slid it off my shoulders and flung it towards her.  “Here, iron this” I said.
“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.”  She nodded.  “Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”  “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

“Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Kurt Darren CD.


7 responses to Fifty Shades of Green

  1. Funny indeed. There’s also a short parody called 50 shades of gravy..LOL..pretty funny too. BTW I found 50 shades of grey so boring I cannot for the life of me imagine what woman would enjoy it. I declined to read books 2 and 3. This post was better than the Grey book so now you know…LOL

    Take care


  2. HAHAHAHAHA…very good Uysh! Made my day after another average Bok performance and slaughter down under.

  3. This post is best read with a few beers. ;)

  4. mmmmmmmmm. . . . . . .I don’t know, i just don’t know

  5. I enjoyed it.. Good for a laugh

  6. Not your best work.