spectre

So my last post may have been a little cryptic for some. Lets hope this clears the stench of a dying corpse that once was a horrific baby blue.

Now, I am sure, even the most Neanderthal baby blue supporter would have taken a second, third, perhaps fourth glance at the television on Saturday evening when the newly named “Putrid Pinks” ran out from their closet, sorry – changeroom to wards of laughter from the homeside, the entire Western Cape, Natal… Ok, the entire country..New Zealand, Australia…. the Southern Hemisphere, some in England… Wales, Scotland (and they wear skirts)… the Northern hemisphere – actually, the entire world (excpet for those in the city of now pink brightness that are still so deeply in denial trying to deflect the attention) from what must be, or will be, or will go down in history as one of the funniest moments in the game of Rugby Union when the Bulls ran out in not only the “purple” (whhha haaa haaaa) Pink jumpers, but pink socks, pants, tights etc etc to one of the more defeaning sounds of laughter at Newlands on Saturday eveing.

So how proud to have been a Putrid Pink for the evening?

WWWWHHHHHaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaHaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa  haaaa ahaaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaa ha haa haaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaHaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaha ha haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaha hah ahhhaaa hhaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ah aaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaHaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa Haaaaaa haaaa ha ha ha aaaaaa haaaa haa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaa ha haaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaa…

WHHHHa haaa haaaaa haaaaa haaa haaaaaa.

Excuse me, its been a while since Ive had such a chuckle.

Have you seen the new “Bulls” jumpers? Bloody aweful! But thats not the “kicker”.

Rumors doing the rounds is that the “(baby)Blue” Bulls will be, well, … “Pink” for away games.

Go figure. Perhaps they gave the desicion to Wynand, whilst doing his hair flicking through his “Pretoria’s not so dull undergound Gay life” subscription.

How proud to be a “Pink” Bull

WHHHHa haaa haaaaa haaaaa haaa haaaaaa…

Once a game dedicated to one and all. All body shapes and sizes welcome.
Enjoyed by purists who not only would applaud a brilliant hat-trick of tries, but a hard fought 3-0 titanic battle. Also known to entertain with the skill that was the drop goal, best remembered for Winning the Webb Ellis cup twice, including the ironic twist of fate that was the elimination of the 1995 champions in the final moments of extra time in that semi final during the 1999 tournament.

Game plans were simple, often relying on a player’s quick assessment of certain situations, and the crowd’s appreciation.  Silence once sounded during place kicks. Rucking once sorted out all that the referee could not. Mutual respect was often reciprocated over an ice-cold lager afterward, with jerseys shared, stories told and legend created.

Sadly the game of tomorrow will not resemble the game of yesteryear, the game of the last two centuries.

The game of tomorrow will be remembered as being a hybrid of sorts, attracting punters instead of enthusiasts. No longer will the highlights be the story of match defining situations, but many alternate line crossings and ridiculous celebration. Soon the highlights will attract more viewers than the game itself, as the visual orgy of scoring will become an addictive drug to sell as rugby porn to the uninformed.  

RIP Rugby Union…

So the 2nd/3rd…next test against Australia begins somewhere on either Thursday or Friday.  It is strange how everybody calls it a test when in fact it should be called 20-20-20-20. (I didn’t get to watch the first test, although I think I saw the highlights).

With superhero Graham* Smith heading into this test with a very good excellent average, I think, we can only win it by an innings, although with his spectacular fourth innings record it would have to be the fourth inning.

Now if someone could please figure out or tell me exactly how the bowling averages are conceived, I could tell you exactly who is going to bowl good on Thursday/Friday (or when ever I catch the highlights). ** I have it on very good authority that bowling, and batting averages are vastly different from those that are often displayed by International cricketers, because they use computers and stuff to add and divide numbers and stuff.

The pitch, it should be green, unless its going to be a flat deck when Graham* Smith comes into bat. He is so good. I wish I could open the batting like Graham* Smith. But not when he goes out. One of those innings that at least gets me through my second ginger beer, by which time I am a little tipsy.

So all in all I cant wait for that next 5 day of cricket game, unless its like over in 4 days, but then I will pretend to play the 5th day on my play station.

• Its not really Graham, but Graeme.
** I made a pun. You get it. “Catch” the highlights, but even I will probably drop those after my third chocolate liquor

Enjoy,

Sherifff(f)ff(s)

Seriously. Pathetic! The whole damn lot of you. Yes, YOU!

I may have been a little scarce recently, which only means I have a life. While I am busy not living “life”, I log onto the sports blogs and catch up on sporting banter, amuse myself with the lack of intellect, snigger at the occasional Neanderthal, and laugh my head off at the total disbelief of all the horrid baby blue fans when their pathetic team of useless blue stained barbarians knock themselves out of the playoffs.

But this site is seriously becoming more “Days of our bloody lives” and a few pathetic bloggers are to blame.  Yes, you reading this. You know exactly who you are!

So lets drop all this cloning rubbish, and get on with sports blogging. If it continues, I shall enjoy my penthouse and strippers without the blogs for a while. If this cloning crap comes to an end, I will contribute. But None of this girly pathetic soap opera WWE rubbish over here.

Enough…!

Everyone who is unfortunate enough to have any acquaintances who happen to garnish their faces with nose rings, paint their faces blue or can sing along to a Steve Hefmeyer track will know exactly why the Bulls will win the Currie Cup this year. Their intelligence radiates with every spoken mumble, and if you can decipher “Neanderthal’ you will recognize these three trusty points.

Firstly, its all about  depth. The Bulls are known to be one of the leading unions when it deals in depth, spotlighted by their recent showing during the round robin stages of the Curie Cup. Their depth….oh wait. Ok. So no depth.

Well secondly the Bulls heed a game plan second to none, a carbon copy of the illustrious blue print used by the Boks to bring the William Webb Ellis trophy home. This trusted kick and hope…I mean chase… has not only provided the Bulls with the perfect ammunition to …mmm.  No. Okay?

Thirdly it is their ability to win the important playoff matches that hold the Bulls head and shoulders above the other unions when it comes semi time. The Bulls, with their impressive playoff record means that no matter how disturbingly bad they have been all season, come the playoffs they are still only one game away from the Currie Cup, and their opposition seem to know this…as they …..prepare….

Oh well, the Bulls are just utter and total prehistoric rubbish, and so begins “Kick a Bull when he / she/ it / is down week!”

And if you are feeling a little bad about doing that, don’t worry, you have the entire next decade to do just that…

An unfortunate Alien being finds itsself in Pretoria one evening.  After a long day of travelling the Alien decides to heads out to dinner.  
He finds this restaurant  and casually decides to enter, full knowing everything that he has studied about the human race.
Once inside however the Alien is rather puzzled and decides to ask the waiter a few questions.

Excuse me good man, but why on Earth is this place so mind numbingly dull?

“Well, this is Pretoria, otherwise known as the “city of Dullness”.

Our Alien friend looks the waiter  head to toe. “Why exactly are you blue?”

“Oh ya, I like to bath in blue paint.”

Rather confused, the Alien decides to check on the date.

“My good man, tell me, what year is it?”

“Uhh, is  Too thousand levin.”

Now unsure of his exact timeline, our Alien friend asks “but why are you dragging your knuckles around while you walk?”

Not really sure exactly how to answer the waiter turns to his sister and asks “Mom, why do we drag our hands on the ground?”

Our Alien friend realising that his cover could be blown decides to change the subject. “Okay my Dull Knuckle dragging good man, would you mind telling me why there are no tables in your establishment?”

“Ya, that’s because you are in Pretoria, and we eat off the floor.”

“You eat off the floor? Really, that is quite a bazaar custom? You drag your knuckles, your sister is your mother, you eat off the floor and you live in the city of Dullness. How interesting.”

Now the Alien, having never encountered such an uncivilized life form and wanting to spend some time studying it, thinks quickly on his tentacles  “tell me my most un-evolved one, do you have any plans for the next 2 weeks?

To which the knuckle dragging blue paint stained inbred dull waiter replied….

No

Ok, I just replied to the masterchef Sheriff(f)ff on his blog about the headlines should the Boks head home come Sunday.

So, without sounding negative, and being a futurist myself (and before anyone jumps the gun I have called the Boks to win, a close battle, even though the decision was more based on heart then brain), but what are the expectations of the Boks at this world Cup?

Would a loss against Australia be acceptable? Would a quarterfinal exit be a humiliation for the team ranked no 2 in the world? Would we be happy with a semi? Do we expect to win the entire World cup, and if we do (expect), will the team be sent walking the plank upon arrival should we be manshamed on Sunday?

Remember, PdV always said that he should be judged on the World Cup (much like another who fell on his sword). A quarterfinal exit for me personally would be an embarrassment, and no excuses about playing Australia in the quarters will plug the leaks, cause we all remember 2007 and the shoulder shrugs of “we played who was in front of us”…

Hindsight is an exact science. Luckily for PdV the Welsh provided a crystal ball.

Bismark must start. And play the full 80. And extra time should the need arise.

Spies must warm the bench. Preferably the bench for the bench. There is no way he on current form deserves a place in the match day 22.

Frans Steyn must play 12. Lambie at 15. Hougard at 11.

I would even go as far as playing Alberts at 5 with along with Rossouw at 4 (as long as Matfield and Bakkies injured), with Flouw coming in at 7, Burger at 8.

The time has come to be bold. To use that insight that the Welsh so generously provided.
But the question remains. Will PdV choose to look the gift horse in the mouth?