powachair

Pieter hires Mickey and Nige to sort out refs

TOP SECRET --- FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

Minister of sport and reclamation

The Springthugs management has hired Mickey X and Nigel McJerk to sort out the problem with these northern hemisphere refs. It has been decided to assist them to commit suicide in order to cover up the conspiracy where they made huge sums of money through the local bookies in order to fund the world cup in New Zealand. They have been told in no uncertain terms that they face long jail terms if the cases should get to court and have unanimously chosen assisted suicide rather than do the jail time.

Clint, the security chief has done extensive testing on the back up weapons to be used and can guarantee that the weapons will fire when the trigger is squeezed. Mickey and Nige have also undergone weapons training at SAGA or South African Gangsters Academy, which, incidentally, is where the Springthugs receive training in eye gouging, spear tackles and delaying tactics, and now know where the trigger is, as well as where to insert the magazine before commencing firing.

The executions will be carried out by using a vuvuzella which has been adapted for use as a blowpipe. A dart tipped with the spit of a politician, said to be extremely toxic due to the amount of crap that comes out of their mouths, will be fired into the ref from the stands and will immediately dissolve, leaving no traceable evidence. DNA cannot be taken from the spit because snakes have no known DNA strands.

It is hoped that with modern technology, taxis, gps and tjommies, they will be able to find their way to the National Stadium and Bloem stadium to complete their missions. The Loftus game will be left to the fans to sort out because death by naartjie would be fitting for the ring leader of the conspiracy. Abdul Moosagee and Dikpens Davids have been licensed to smous (sell) their naartjies outside the stadium.

The biggest problem is that one of the stadiums is situated in Soweto and once he has completed the hit, the hit man will not be able to blend in with the crowd and in fact will glow whitely amongst the local residents. Management has foreseen this problem and has arranged to bus in large numbers of the paler variety of Springthug supporters. They will all be dressed in green in order for Mickey and Nige to blend in a bit better. A get away taxi has been provided by a friend of Jackie’s, finish en klaar.

While they will receive no traceable payment, a few suits, shoes, shirts and ties and a brown paper bag full of euros have been supplied by our undercover brother, Glenn. It was decided not to pay Mickey and Nige in untraceable Zim dollars, because a convoy of trucks filled with lolly (no, not the stripper club one, the folding money kind) being followed by a couple of taxis containing whiteys, would attract too much attention. Bobby over the border, has also agreed to provide political asylum in Zim because he feels the need of extra bodyguards to add to the three hundred he already has.

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