Season for Change

December 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

So here it is perhaps-altemits-miskien my final post for the year:

I am still coming to grips with the blind-flying new platform and still wish for a great Christmas present this year, comment notification that will make actual conversation possible! Of course I am completely at a loss as to whether Father Christmas will even notice my plea. Word is, he has now changed some crucial policies in anticipation of the fallout sure to follow Mangaung 2012. Out of fear of retrenchment, being way older than 55, with his serious first world tendencies of delivering stuff on time and not being clearly aligned with the political structures of all countries and religions, he has made a concerted effort to change. Henceforth, welcome Kader Frismis into your home around June/July next year and beware he will first have to make a stop on the very first address on his SanTav, Nkandla. Getting his body down those bunker chutes with the massive bag of presents will take the best part of Late December, and then there are still the bags of coal for the naughty boys at Eskom…

Anyway, I like change, I find stagnancy as repugnant as a rat turd on a raisin bun!

2012 have brought great changes for the better and some for naught:

For the Better:

1.) HM has made changes to his preferred (read Blue) players list

Four words: JacPot  Lambie Flo Eben.  In JacPot’s defense one has to say that he has a lot of similarities with a young Schalla, Coetzee is just better at it. The Lambie-debacle was also in major way caused by what happened at the Sharks this year, he was preferred at fullback. Now, before Sherriff and REM get all worked up defending the coach that they think I am insulting, the reason Lambie was at fullback is because Freddie (no, not the cricboxer no-boat) has found sublime form this year at flyhalf. Look what he did for France. It was just a bad turn of events for Lambie who will have a fight on to keep the jersey away from certain Mrs Goosen, Jantjies and Pollard.  Finally bringing in Flo was a severe master stroke as he has been the catalyst for at least 3 tries between him and Habana and has caused old Richie some serious problems. Cannot wait to see how he and Pocock measure up next year! Unfortunately he does seem to have painted a target on his back for being a successful Springbok, IRB is now watching him with eagle eyes, be sure he will be cited even if he just hold a player down.  Finally, Eben (from Ebenhaezer meaning “stone of help”) has done his name justice by filling the very big boots of Bakkies and of late also doing a VicMat interpretation in causing havoc in lineouts! Yes for some unfortunate sissies he will be the “Stone of Yelp!”, but a thug he is not. Eben is not the poor man’s Andy Hore, that is for sure. Now only the game plan needs a bit of tweaking.

2.) Proteas coaching staff getting the balance right

Finally, in the last test against the Aussies, we saw what the Proteas can actually be! I had my doubts, still do a little bit, about AB being gloveman and batsman in tests, but if he can pull it off like in this last test… I am glad that Rudolph and Tahir finally got the boot and with the new find of Faf, I will be very happy to have two bankers in the lower middle order in him and JP stabilizing the ship or accelerating away if the ship has gained momentum through the incredible top order of Smith, Peterson, Amla and AB! I also see that Gary has become a late believer in the P(i)eterati even at test level. Some might say Robbie P was as expensive as Tahir, but he took the license to try things with a little more circumspection and accuracy than Tahir did. He took wickets as well! His age does not bother me as much, as Fatboy-no-more Shane had shown, spinners do have a little more longevity.

What the Proteas did for Ponting when he came in to bat for a final time was amazing. It showed that they were still humble, but it also showed that they are professional as well.  He was not dished up some fruit pies that he could smack all over the place so that his final knock can go down in history as something special. I do not like Ponting as a person, but as a batsman he was a genuine great. Question is: Where does it put Jacques Kallis?

Now we need to get ICC silverware though!

3.) Ah-more got her head straight

Okay, it could just be to get another shot at a You-front page, but she did the right thing here. The petty crap that kept a dying man away from his children just painted her as a horrible person and I am glad that she saw the light. Joost, stay strong man! Keep up fighting like you always did in that green-and-gold jersey!

For Naught:

1.) Oscar’s girlfriend dumped him for some loser

It is sad, but seriously Oscar, You are one of the most influential athletes in the World. If she was your soul mate, she would not have left. Should’ve taken someone else on that Top Billing holiday…

2.) Kirchner became the Springbok fullback

Look, the man has no fashion sense , but he is stable under the high ball and his kicking out of hand is so-so. Andre Joubert he is not, but we also do not know whether Taute will ever be a Rolls Royce…

3.) IRB started noticing All Black offenses

This is truly awesome, maybe in about a decade they will get bans and fines half the size the Springboks have to contend with!

 

Okay, if you’ve gotten this far. Congratulations! You have shown some real life changing perseverance!  Go treat yourself today, buy that bottle of Cognac with the unpronounceable brand name or get some chocolate brownies at the Spur or Spar.

That’s it from me – have an awesome Frismis and remember PdV is watching you!

I’m gonna get ya!

Turn around, Welsh guy… a tribute to Andy Hore

November 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

Our source have finally gotten to the bottom of Andy Hore’s plight. The poor misunderstood genius has only acted on his great love for that iconic rasper from the 80’s, Bonnie Tyler. As he went into the zone on the team bus listening to her beautiful rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, all those years of being coached in the “dogma” of All Black rugby from the IRB’s special little black book(*) kicked in. We now know what he heard from his Black-pod really was the following:

“(Turn around) every now and then an AB needs to drill a guy and your time has come around
(Turn around) every now and then we need to show that AB are the best amongst our peers
(Turn around) every now and then I realize Mealamu is a better thug than I
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified when I see the look in his eyes

(Turn around, Welsh guy) Time to slap your head and neck apart
(Turn around, Welsh guy) Time to slap your head and neck apart

Hory needs to put you right – now is better than never
And if you put up a fight – you’ll be feeling less than clever

Uncle Paddy made it all right so us ABs can never be wrong
Together we can cheat and end with no fine

Ole Richie is like a phantom on the edge of the line (edge of the line)
Refs don’t know what to do, and Craig was always in the dark
We’re living in a free world and making our mark
IRB really need us, all right! Cheating is just our way of right

Cheating is just part of your plight!

We all know the Bokke are thugs, but the ABs ‘re coming off free

There’s nothing you can do … an open handed slap to the neck?

We all know the Bokke are thugs, but the ABs ‘re coming off free
Nothing you can do … an accidental slap to the neck?

(Turn around, Welsh guy) Time to slap your head and neck apart
(Turn around, Welsh guy) Time to slap your head and neck apart

IRB really need us, all right!

ABs will just cheat forever

And if you put up a fight
You’ll be feeling less than clever
Uncle Paddy made it all right
So us ABs can never be wrong

Together we can cheat and end with no fine

Ole Richie is like a phantom on the edge of the line (edge of the line)
Refs don’t know what to do, and Craig was always in the dark
We’re living in a free world and making our mark
IRB really need us, all right!
Old Hory’s getting off real light

Old Hory’s getting off real light

Once upon a time there was rules in Rugby
But now its padyying apart

Nothing you can say
An accidental slap to the neck?

An accidental slap to the neck?”

This is in fact a tragedy and not a travesty of justice as the media would have you believe: ($)

How, my friends, can we blame this family man, this pillar of society and above all this supreme gift to Rugby, an All Black?

They are the gods of Rugby for heaven’s sake – How dare we question a penalty that constitute only a single official match ban?

Should he even have gotten as much?

Spare a thought for his family at Christmas time – no friendly family game of rugby outside, no good-spirited open handed slap to the neck as a sign of camaraderie for his kids as they turn away to contest a ball passed by mommy!

 

* a wonderful 2 pager in size 15 Arial Bold: Our rules do not apply to you! (#)

# page 2 contains the reassuring words: If you should get caught, DON’T PANIC- the bans will be short and the fines will be low!

$ all this is tongue in the cheek and should not be taken seriously

I am worried – a Cold Saturday in Soweto?

October 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

As I sat there in the restaurant watching the Boks demolish the “Wallabies”, I was excited. Hell, I even ordered a steak to accompany my 6 Americanos, but now, in the cold light of the week after, things seem a little different. I am worried that our old enemy, complacency, will come for a visit yet again!

Firstly, did we actually play against the Wallabies? Saturday just showed that for the biggest country in terms of square mileage, the Aussies also have the lowest RUPSK-value (Rugby Union player/square kilometre). It did not help that RobbieD was finally caught out with his marvellous prop-shuffle-gain-extra-substitute strategy and they were forced to play with only 14 men in the end. If we think that we beat a team that was in any way competitive, we are deluding ourselves and I sincerely hope not. Saturday was a bit like going to what you think will be a reggae concert with the illustrious Shaggy only to realize that you were booked for a show by the less famous Saggy, the world’s oldest exotic dancer! Yes, surely you will instinctively find her rhythms a lot simpler to understand and she might be slightly easier on the eye, very slightly! There is one small problem though: it would not be reggae, now would it? She has a lot in common with the “Wallabies” though: Her hip replacement has also severely limited her mobility and nimble footwork!

Moving on to Soweto:

The All Blacks are as formidable as opponents as you can get in Rugby Union. Yes, as I mentioned before on this site, Hanson has never quite been the same since he left the band, his voice had to break at some point, but even he can get a lot out of such a bunch of talented players. Mmmbop! Some of the Kiwis will even go so far as to say that the real genius in that triumvirate of evil that he joined later on in life, the AB-coaching team, was actually Wayne Smith!

Happy together once! Can you guess which one is Steve?

In a way their match against Argentina tells us two opposing things. Firstly, Argentina played the wrong game. What were they thinking? Did they even watch the game in Dunedin? In the forwards is where the All Blacks seem vulnerable, but the Argies tried to outrun this team of athletes. This is not Forrest Gump for heaven’s sake! Or is it more sinister? Did Graham Henry have something to do with their sudden change of plans? Suddenly, I feel a lot more comfortable that we are the only team in this championship who does not keep a NZ-consultant/coach in our closet, but then again we have Louis Koen…

Secondly, what could the All Blacks really have learnt from their drubbing of the Argies? They played against a team that deliberately moved the ball away from their own strengths. Ask the Boks, those Argie forwards are formidable despite their no-name branding. If they kept it tight, that half century would not have happened. Just my thoughts

 

This weekend I will be at a wedding, but I will be a worrier – hoping for the Boks to be real green and gold warriors in Soweto. Also holding thumbs that the Argies can beat the Aussies (a team ripe for the picking!)

Remember: Stroh rum – just one cap! Is enough!

Yes, talents are all around…

August 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

Yes, amazing talent is all around.

Everyday heroes do indeed exist.

People like oom Kallie “Bollywood”(#) van Schalkwyk that is still a scourge in the hard old school cross country races of TwakSpoegOpdieStoepFontein. It is not that oom Kallie is particularly fast, it is just that when he gets in front, he merely has to lift those arms to unleash hell from their pits! Out of pride or simple foolhardiness, many a young promising athlete has been cut down in their prime by accepting oom Kallie’s challenge for a quick race around the block only to be left in inconsolable heaps of failure clutching at their nostrils…

Then there is also oom Adderjan Petoors from a hidden location(*) in the Klein Karoo who gained fame in the inner circles of the Pentagon when he reported alien activity. South Africa would never have gotten a sniff at the SKA(+) if it was not that oom Adderjan reported the only proven case of extra-terrestrial phenomena outside of the USA. It was a strange evening unlike any other evening in the Klein Karoo, colder and crisper than normal (oom Adderjan had to wear two pairs of shorts like the Freestaters do on such occasions). He was just turning around to kick the dog when it happened, a strange screeching noise from the braai made him swiftly veer back to witness the event. The recording from his ever reliable Kodak Nizo “braaicam” loaded with Super 8mm film ($), shows a strange flash of green-blue light moving swiftly from oom Adderjan’s pant-bottoms towards the fire while a sort of whiplash sound can be heard. As the camera focuses on his braaigrill one can clearly see the first recorded occurrence of the enigmatic ”tjop-circles”…

BUT,

As much as everyday talents may surround us all and how ever proud it may make those everyday heroes, they were never tested on a worldwide scale (or, in oom Adderjan’s case, allowed any form of recognition).

They never went to the Olympics!

I guess this post is just my roundabout way to say thanks to the whole SA team that went to the Olympics and equalled the record for Olympic medals by South Africa. Yes, they did not equal the gold medal tally that was part of the previous 6 (4 golds) and yes they did not bring back the 12 oom Gideon promised, but they came damn close to several more medals. Sunette Viljoen and Burry Stander could on another day have made it and who knows what Bridgitte Hartley could have done in the 200 m K1 if she participated. What was abundantly clear was also that Commonwealth performances are for naught when compared to the Olympics, i.e. the Chinese, the US and Russia do not take part.

However, our medalists deserve to be praised and applauded not just for winning, but also for showing how sport can unite this country. When Cameron, Chad, Caster, The Awesome Foursome  part 2 and Bridgitte competed they showed that the Olympics can set hearts racing just as much as the last 10 minutes of a  test match between the Springboks and the All Blacks does.

I was never really a fan of the Olympics, have been known to call it a bloated, lard-assed, pompous blimp of a show and sometimes even boring, but now I am converted!

Last, quick fact on the Olympics, if Usain Bolt manages to finally run the 100m in 9 seconds, he would be as fast as a hippo (try to remember this when you and your drunk buddies decide that it would be fun to go pull a hippo’s tail). Puts our puny humans into perspective, doesn’t it?

# want hy bad nie, bad nie , bad nie.(pick any Bollywood tune and be amazed at how well it fits)

* To protect oom Adderjan his name was changed and his location must remain a mystery. Sometimes they come back!

+ Square kilometre array

$ He has embraced technology decades ago and never moved on, but records every braai he ever attempts and sends it to his children in Nebraska.

Some bits of something or other.

August 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

After this weekend, one can truly ask:

Are the P(i)etersens taking over the World?

Getting the top score for your team in a test: Check (AP & KP),

Getting Injured: Check (AP and JP),

Almost making the team: Check (Robbie P and Joe P)

Of course they are all South African…

Where will this all end? Who needs the Illuminati if you can have the P(i)eterati? A group so much less exclusive has so much more appeal! A group so virile that each and every one could have a little bit of P(i)etersen in them (Even Barak Obama, may or may not be indirectly and putatively linked to a P(i)etersen somewhere in his lineage!), it’s like a Church-bazaar deep in Amish country! And remember, We have not even started on the Scandinavian wing of P(i)etersons!

This straight out of the English dressing room:

Henceforth, the great Stuart will be known simply as “The Broad” in a last gasped attempt to prevent commentators (special mention to Craig Marais) confusing him with his dad Chris “The Other” Broad! Yes, once the sniggers from the South African corner of the dressing room dies down, they will see that he truly is worth that pseudonym! There can be only one broad as petu….uhm talented as The Broad! Yes, they may laugh at his blusher, carefully applied below the apple of the cheek, but it does have an SPF 45, darnit! And he did get that message from Monica on the sport24 blogs proclaiming her everlasting love for him –  a love based on truth and trust! Jealous much, hey Kevin, Matt and Trotty-potty?

Finally, spare a thought for a lesser known hero, Wimpie Pietersen…

Ripped from the glory days as Ben Affleck’s body double (for the intelligent scenes) by the scourge of male-pattern baldness! It seems that here is, in fact, the one specimen of Pietersen that has fallen on hard times indeed…

When your only other talent is Uruguayan deep-throated warbling*, what can you do when Kurt has already cornered the market in SA music…

 

*kwettersang

3rd time a charm? Not so much

June 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

I know there is the old story that a draw is like kissing your sister, but seriously drawing against the English is like kissing your sister who could not shave her moustache because of gingivitis and acne! You just know they will go away from this as if they had won!

AND you know what? They could have! If Farrel knew how to kick a drop goal!

They should never even have gotten this close, but the Boks had a collective shocker with only a few intermittent moments of sanity.

A special meritorious mention has to go to Morne Steyn. Maybe by tomorrow I will feel different, but seriously why go into the pocket if you are not going for the drop? Is Vlok Cilliers not helping Morne with his kicking anymore? Why was Elton Jantjies left on the bench like a kid whose parents boozed out and left him at the pub? Surely he could not have done worse! At least we now know that he also chews his nails like Graeme Smith thanks to DSTV’s valiant attempts to remind Heineke Meyer that he did bring a replacement flyhalf to the game! This must have been quite demoralising for him to sit there and watch as Morne bombed out, but not to be deemed good enough to be allowed on the field.

In a strange turn of events, Wynand Olivier had a surprisingly good game, but could it have been in comparison to how bad the rest of the team played? I am just being cynical, he did his first and most important job (keeping Tuilagi quiet) very well and he even made a line break. Pienaar again did the basics of scrumhalf play better than Hougie tonight or was that just me…

One thing is for sure, we missed a behemoth like Alberts tonight, but where would he have come from? Jacques Potgieter was not bad, but the fact is, due to very good English defence, we had two very similar flanks on the field tonight. We needed someone to force his way over the gain line. Someone who needed more than one tackler to bring him down…

I am just glad we did not lose today because we all know what happened in 2009 when the British and Irish Lions left this shore as victors of one match, but prancing around like they had won the series.

And brilliant job Junior Bokkies in winning the JWC with some classic forward play!

The cloud is lifting, but will there be a silver lining?

June 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

Soon the English will pack their bags and their bruises to move back to their beloved Grand Isle of the Pale legs and Beautiful Kates, but first there is some unfinished business: the aroma lingers like a longdrop on a hot summer’s day in the Kalahari! Before oom Sakkie Aggenbag’s prophetic duodenal tingle can subside, there is still the 3rd test!

And with Heineke Meyer teaching from the influential textbook, “Pigeon escorts: a Hands-on Guide for the Layman” by Klaasjan Treurnicht*, one has to believe that Saturday will be yet another victory for the Boks! By adding several new dimensions to the strategy of Bok rugby in recent times, HM is showing that he has used the long time waiting in Pieter’s shadow wisely. Yes there was that very first half of the season where the ever popular “Kick, hope and pray” was employed, but from as early as that 2nd half it was clear that Kick and Hope would be alternated with some passing, jinking and a good measure of “die-bus-is-vol”. Hope there is indeed and room for prayer there always is! It is hard to find someone who has not hit form in the previous two tests, Morne’s kicking for posts and Keegan’s lack of impact in the 2nd test can be highlighted, but why would one do that? All subs were a bit lacklustre because, through injury, half of the forwards were subbed in quick succession! It’s like cutting off your arms and wondering why you are struggling to do high fives!

This whole weekend has got quite the festive atmosphere about it! One of Springbok Rugby’s beloved sons has decided to do the honourable thing and make an honest woman out of his fiancée. Good for you Fransie, but please do not take Huisgenoot or You or Top Billing or Pasella on your honeymoon and I hope you have carefully studied through Dr. Jan van Elfen’s book!

The jong Bokkies are close to a huge achievement. Hopefully that demoralizing loss to the Irish will stand them in good stead and they will focus on their winning ways and trample the silver fernlets to dust! Let’s see how much they appreciate their haka in the cold, stark evening as the silver dust turns those floodlights into mirrors. I just hope there is not too much left for the potential player of the series, young Adendorff, to fix when he has to come on as substitute. Honestly, Dawie stay off the Johnny Walker when you make team decisions!

Staying with weird decisions!

If HM knew that Olivier and Kankowski were planning to leave for Japan before the 4 Nations, why were they even selected? I am out-an-out not a fan of either player, but I support the Boks and whoever plays on the day, is my team. However, this time against the Pommynesians could have been used so much better to either get semi-experienced players some more game time or bleed promising new players for those positions. If the players did not tell him, shame on them! Maybe that just showed once again what an honourable decision Juan made last year before the RWC…

Goodbye Rosebuds and thanks for the warm-ups. We will be sending our own Flower boys over next month! After their rude awakening by our neighbours, one can only hope that they will have those pruning shears sharpened and at the ready!

And Thanks E-TV for showing the Bok-test! As any BOK-supporter would tell the SABC: I do not care if it is delayed or not, I just want to watch the Game!

*name was changed to protect the alleged innocent.

E-TV bringing Rugby to the masses – 1time!

June 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

In a very shrewd move to combat SABC’s very popular “Late night with Kgomotso”, shown on Saturdays at 15:00, e-tv will now be showing the test between the Springboks and Roses!

At 22:00 SA time!

It is delayed live with a capital D, but I will watch this test even if it is on that late. And so far it will only be shown once!

Just wonder who the commentators will be?

Maybe the guys from LNN?

Or will it be the controversial Pieter-duo? Divvy and Hendriks with Zola Yeye as expert consultant?

Springboks not a national team, hey SABC2?

June 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

Thank you, you bunch of plonkers at SABC2! Earlier this week News24 reported the 28 million rand deal to secure TV-rights to Bafana matches. In this wonderful report her majesty Lulala Mokhobo, CEO of the SABC, had this to say:

“This agreement shows that broadcasting matches of our national teams is not just our mandate as a public broadcaster, but our ethos”

Sounds wonderful, does it not? Duly SABC1 went through a lot of apparent trouble to televise yet another boring draw by Bafana against Botswana again taking great care to keep their ranking deeply entrenched in the sixties if not reaching the seventies by now! Brilliant guys! Awesome stuff! I fully support you still, though, because you are a national team and deserve my support. I support you in the same way that I sat petrified in front of my TV set every time the Proteas failed at the first World Cup play-off match of every damn CWC since re-admission!

I am well-educated, but still a South African of average income. I have to go to a pub or restaurant to watch DSTV, which I do for every overseas match played by the Springboks as I know that it will not be on SABC! I make peace with that fact that it will not be shown on SABC and I have patience with the fact that you are a small fry in the broadcasting business. I am a full-blooded South African and loyal to the core.

Now, however you have gone too far!

I would like to know what your description of the word “ethos” is, Ms Mokhobo! Does that mean that rugby supporters like me and many other SABC-licence holders of lesser income will be thrown to the wayside like we were this evening? Does it mean to advertise that you will indeed show this match against England this evening like you did all week, also on your website, and then show Smallville and American Idol instead?

Unfortunately, I do not have enough decent words to describe how I feel about how you failed the average Springbok supporter tonight!

Allister on the famous Noakes diet!

May 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

“Veldore” is still employed as a valuable tool on the training ground of the Stormers!

Good luck Stormers!